What The Hell
by Lord Joyde The Madman
Summary: Ever wondered what would happen if Zeus found an interesting world and then managed to attract the attention of Pariah and his best friend as he prepares to influence it? While also managing to drag one unlucky.. or I suppose one lucky video gamer into the fray? ... Yeah, what the hell indeed. (This is an absolute crack fic, if you couldn't have already guessed.)
1. Emerging Chaos

_**Lord Joyde: Heylo, Everyone! How are you all doing?  
**_

* * *

 ** _I decided to make another crossover, this time with a little twist. ONE THING I MUST MENTION, THIS WILL BE A VERY VERY SHORT STORY. TEN CHAPTERS OR SO IS MAX. THIS INFORMATION IS MEANT FOR MY FUTURE SELF MAINLY.  
_**

 ** _... You see, I was thinking a bit about what would ever happen if Alex decided to play the bad guy for once? ... while also giving me the idea of showing Pariah and Leonardo right into the picture.  
_**

 ** _This piece of work is the result of that. That said, this is my story and considering that this is also a crossover of Prototype and Skullgirls... well you can imagine just how much comedy and regular Lord Joyde Bullshit will be involved. Yeah, that's me quoting one of my regular readers. We have a love-hate relationship. And yes, its my girlfriend that I'm talking about here Spartan._**

 ** _Just to make something clear... I'm gonna call The Skullgirls planet Encore. Why? 'Cause fuck me but I couldn't find its proper name that's why. Girlfriend plz.  
_**

 ** _Anyway, enough of by rambling, lets get on with the story!  
_**

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _Random point in time... - Random place in space... - Zeus's Point Of View...  
_

* * *

After finishing the Terra formation of this random solar system, I jump to the next, only to be stunned as a multitude of life-forms enters my sense range.

It would seem that this System has sentient life upon it... and it seems somewhat advanced.

Hiding behind their sun and forming myself into a meditating position, I anchor a piece of my mind above the surface of the planet, just like I had previously done with all of the world containing any form of connection to me.

By sending forth a viral pulse in the form of a basic and very small solar flare, I consume random pieces of DNA from the worlds denizens as the flare seemingly burns away their flesh, shutting off many electronic devices in the process.

It would seem that the world is currently under control of two great countries. One is The So-called Canopy Kingdom and the other is the land of the Gigas... hmmm, a world that barely has the technology of 1940's post-war America... yet also manages to surpass even current levels of technology in some aspects.

Such as biological implants and robotics, but that can easily be attributed to this rare material known as Theonite. After all, its easy to make a cyborg if you possess a metal which is conveniently strong, tough and has the ability to lock a soul in place... I'm not entirely sure that it is metal however, because my scan revealed the fact that just about everything upon this world has it in extreme miniature amounts... while there is also things which are made almost entirely out of it.

"That said... this world sure is impressive.." I mumble to nobody in particular as I form myself yet another imaginary living room. You know, the usual setup of a round table, a set of chairs and some tea.

Anyhow, I scan the world for great destinies and well... there are so fucking many that my eyes were blinded a bit.

I hear the subconsciousness of time-mages of the Earth call out to me through our Mind Link. They tell me that the only time so many great destinies are available at the same time is when the world is facing its final evolutionary stage. Like when I was still human, like I later found out was happening on Halkeginia.. like it is currently happening on Terra... and what has already passed by on Euphoria.

The mages don't stop there. They explain to me how on every world, there are three types of factions, no matter what form of power they may possess. There is Order, Darkness and Chaos.

I blink, incapable of stopping myself from asking who exactly belonged where back on earth.

The Mind Link stops and I sense immeasurable mathematical and social calculations taking place. Within moments, my question is answered.

The representative's of Order were Pariah and his bunch... well, he was always overly spiritual so that isn't very surprising.

The Illuminati and the worlds governments represented The Darkness.

... And I represented Chaos itself.

Well, I suppose we all know how that ended up. I feel myself grinning as the mages scowl and Pariah laughter echoes throughout the link. He is the only being aside myself capable of freely interfacing with The Link. Within moments, my little brother acts as expected and appears next to me, quickly seating himself on a chair nearby.

"Yo brother, what are you doing?" He asks me and I simply point onto the world which I now know to be called Encore.

He scans it with his mind, quite possibly making a couple people go mad in the process, but hey, who cares."At least I don't burn people alive." He says with a smile on his face.. oh right, he can passively read minds.

"Yeah, I can. Maybe this time you might remember that." I dunno brother, I mean... I already did something like this at least fifty times.

He shrugs."Eh, your right. And who cares anyway." Yep.

He then turns back towards the world as he takes another sip of his own essence tea. Yep, he started doing that too, haha. He turns to me with another shit eating grin before saying."Anyways, that world is pretty interesting... although, I don't think you are just gonna watch, right? 'Cause... y'know, that's pretty boring."  
I was about to say something in turn but the both of us turned our heads around as we felt another presence approach us at high speeds. Ah, it is Pariah's friend Leonardo.

His annoyed form pops into existence and he waves at us."Yo guys." He says simply and Pariah and I blink.

I turn to Leonardo."Umm... not that I'm not impressed by how casually you came here, by the was how in the world did you do that, but why are you here?"

He lets out another annoyed sigh."Long story short, I was on my way to Samathar in order to have another one of our... insane conversations."

Samathar? Oh, Pariahs new name.. right. The guy in question blinks."Let me guess, you had another annoying case to solve, right?

Leonardo nods."Yeah, that's exactly it. I don't want to talk about it so if you wanna know just think it. As for how I came here, well constantly being in your brothers presence increased my own minds powers tremendously." Ah, yes, that makes sense.

He takes in a breath."As for why I am here... well, you suddenly making another mind-scape and Samathar following you near instantaneously afterwards... I figured some kinda comedic bullshit is gonna happen soon that might be funny to watch. And believe me when I say that I currently need a very long laugh."

I shrug nonchalantly."Suppose that's as good of a reason as any, really."

He takes a seat and also makes himself a cup of tea. He blinks."Wow, never thought my own life-force tasted this good."

Samathar turns to me with an interested glance."Hey bro, I think I found someone interesting!"

All three of us turn our heads back towards the world in question. Samathar's consciousness shows us a very happy go unlucky white haired teenager with a supremely pale complexion. Oh my, a gamer? Yeah, this is gonna be fun... except..

He is currently stuck under a pillar, bleeding from all over his body.

I look at my companions and we all shrug in unison. Heh, might as well, I guess.

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _Several minutes beforehand... - New Meridian Outskirts - Unknown's Point Of View...  
_

* * *

"ARTHUR! RUN AWAY, QUICKLY!" I hear my mother scream at me as my body shakes out of my fear stupor and I daze out through the door with tears in my eyes.

"Hey you, go after the kid! The boss ain't tolerating any more failures!" One of the Medici thugs screams right as I hear several gunshots coming from the general direction of my home. My parents just died.

 _"Steel yourself, Arthur! You gotta be alive if you wanna be able to mourn them later!"_ I mentally scream at myself as I continue running across the night-covered streets when suddenly, a massive eruption blows said street apart as a bright blue light bursts in the skies.

I barely have the time to catch my breath as I see a huge pillar falling directly onto me."Well, so much about living to mourn my parents.."

I hear myself say as the pillar falls down and effectively traps me, a large pool of blood forming underneath. With my hazy vision, I look up to see that the thugs who were chasing me, along with my home, are crushed by the falling rubble created out of the earthquake.

 _"At least they got what they deserved...Ow, my sphincter."_ I cough in the real world as I laugh at the impossibility of the situation. I blink and then look even higher as I notice a small girl, barely twelve in age, lifting a whole damn building in the skies.

That must be the Skullgirl I've heard so much about on the news recently... her lifting that building is probably also what caused the earthquake.

Ugh, I can feel myself slipping. Damn those fucking Medici's... and fuck you too, Skullgirl. I hope you reanimate me so I can tell you that in the afterlife, ugh.

 ** _"Do you wish to live, boy?"_** I hear a deep, powerful voice ask me. Oh my! Is this really what I think this is?

I hear someone give a mental sigh. ** _"Okay look. You don't have much time so I will keep it short. I am a demon. My name is Zeus. Nice to meet you, Arthur."_**

Same here... Now please get to the point even if we both know I'm gonna say yes because I want to live.

He grunts. ** _"Fine, have it your way. Basically put, I'll give you the power you need to thrash the Skullgirl and annihilate the Medici's. After you do that, you will be my agent upon this world."_**

If I could've, I would have let out a sigh."Blah blah blah, how do I accept?"

I feel him grin mentally. _ **"Just touch that suspiciously glowing ball of orange light next to you."**_

Managing to refocus myself to the real world, I muster whatever strength I still possess and grab hold of said ball which was right next to me like Zeus said.

And with that, my vision fades.

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _Seconds afterwards... Zeus's New space place - Arthur's Point Of View...  
_

* * *

I open my eyes to see my body is complete and healed... but not on ground anymore.

In fact, I seem to be in the middle of space. Wow.

Blinking, I refocus myself and take a look around me. I see three strange but humanoid beings sitting upon an imaginary table drinking imaginary tea. There is a red colored being seemingly made of energy and two humanoids with chitin like armor next to him. The only difference being their colors as one is purple while the other is pure white.

The red one whom I just know is Zeus, forms another chair and a cup and motions for me to sit. I wordlessly comply. The white one nods approvingly."At least you have proper manners, it seems." I blink.

"Cheh, who gives a shit? Lets just get on with this already." The black one says and the white one turns around towards him with a face that clearly says; unlike you.

Zeus sighs."Anyways, you should drink up since you are going to be here for a bit while your body regenerates in the real world."

I blink."Your voice.. is different now?"

The black one laughs."He wanted to act like a demon when he contacted you, but us gamers are kinda above the usual bullshit that goes along such thing, am I right?"

I let out a laugh of my own before blinking again."Wait a minute.. us gamers?"

Zeus sighs and flicks his fingers, making the armor dissipate off the two beings and revealing two normal humans in their place. He then turns to the black one."Okay. Since you seem to think of Arthur as one of your types, how about you explain this to him, Leonardo?"

The one now named Leonardo, looks at me with a laughable stare."Ok. So long story short. This guy is gonna give you the power you need to exact your revenge and then you are going to help him in conquering this whole world, deal? Oh and, I guess you can call us aliens since even if all three of us are human we aren't from your world."

I shrug."Yeah sure. I guess that sounds like fun. Am I supposed to do things alongside a set of rules or?"

The white one sips some of his tea and then tells me."Well, I'm sure my brother wanted to be evil for a reason so I suppose you could act as if you were the typical demon-possessed hero or something? By the way, I'm Samathar."

"Okay. I could do that. And do you have a normal name or do I just call you Zeus?" I ask him and he waves a hand defensively.

"I think I like things as they are now." He answers honestly. Eh, I suppose that's fine.

I then blink again as a question pops up in my mind."Soooo like... do you have any directions for me?"

Zeus looks at me with a somewhat annoyed stare."The Skullgirl's base of operations appears to be inside of this... Church of the Trinity or something? But I would recommend just going around looking for trouble first, as even with the piece of my power that I gave you, you can't just immediately go after the final boss.

"Good enough. And going after the final boss immediately isn't very fun for our readers anyway." Said readers should be advised of the many many fourth wall breaking in the near future. Also prepare yourself for puns. I warned you.

"You are weird." Zeus states simply with a confused glance.

We all let out a laugh as Zeus practically kicks me out of the space-thing-place and I find myself reawakening in the real world.

"Welp, lets do this, I guess." I say to absolutely nobody as I find myself fully capable to shoving the concrete pillar off myself and stand up whilst dusting myself.

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _ **Lord Joyde: And that is it for the first chapter of What The Hell? xD this story is gonna be so much fun to type. I hope I don't die of laughter.**_

 _ **In any case, I think its time to go watch some more Skullgirls videos. Also, our hero loves history. 'Cause there was a lot of war in their world. And us gamer love war history, yeah.**_

 _ **PLEASE SEND ME YOUR VOTES ON WHICH CHARACTER SHOULD BE THE FIRST ENEMY THAT OUT NEW HERO FACES?! USE REVIEWS OR PRIVATE MESSAGES!**_

* * *

 _ **Anyway, read and review! And Good Morning/Day/Night to you all! ADIOS FOR NOW!**_


	2. Fire Fire Fire Fire Fire Fire

_**Lord Joyde: Heylo, Peeps! How are you all?**_

* * *

 _ **Me? I'm okay I suppose... although this story is as much of a pile of bullshit as I expected it to be.**_

 _ **Why? Because it has over 2k views and around 500 visitors, but only 1 review, 1 favorite and 1 follower.**_

 _ **Funny, 'm I right? (GUYS YOU CAN REVIEW/PM TO VOTE FOR THE NEXT OPPONENT)**_

 _ **Also, do you guys wanna know why crack fics are called crack fics? Because they make the people who read them * crack up *. Hhehehahahhahahahahahhaha, kill me quickly pls.**_

 _ **In any case, here comes chapter two Of What The Hell!? I hope you enjoy, lets begin.**_

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _Mere moments later... - Real world, duh. - Arthur's Point Of View..._

* * *

Just as I saw the pillar fall down back onto the ground, I hear the voice of Zeus as it echoes in my mind, a black scimitar-katana-blade with what seem to be several blazing red hot lines of magma coursing through it forming itself from seemingly nothing at all. _"Just to be safe, I'm gonna give you this sword I just randomly made out of my life-force. Its your demon sword and since its basically a physical form of me, may I suggest you form your plot lines in accordance?"_

I smirk."Oh so we are going for typical drama play consisting of two actors. You being the Demon-Stuck-In-A-Sword-For-Whatever-Reason and me being the Idiot-Hero-Wannabe-Who-Keeps-Using-It-For-Whatever-Reason... fuck that is a mouthful."

Feeling a mental shrug, I hear him answer. _"Yeah, I suppose you can put it that way too."_

With a shrug of my own, I pick up the sword and shiver a bit as the damn charred black handle seems to melt into my hand. I swing it carelessly as if to test it and manage to completely sever a titanium pole without even feeling the strike.

I can practically feel the grin on my face going further than possible. Deciding that further testing is necessary, I slam my fist into nearby stone rubble and manage to imprint my fist into it. Super strength, eh?

 _"That fully depends upon you. Since your transformation is already finishes and you just happen to have an amazing synch ratio with me, plot-convenience-jokes-aside, you should already be able to feel your resource pools, right?"_ He tells me over the mind link and I blink.

"Resource pools? You mean like, mana and energy and shit like that?" I feel him nod at my question.

 _"Yeah, mana, but not energy. We call the other type your Essence, or chi if you wanna feel like a monk or a ninja."_ That's great! I have mana, now I can finally be the Pyromaniac I've always wanted to be... and something tells me that Essence is very compatible with fire.

"So do I like, have any spells I can cast?" Another question as I slowly start digging my way out of the rubble... looks like the fucking Skullgirl dropped a skyscraper onto me. Fucking heartless bitch. Oh wait, she isn't heartless since she has the skull heart... meh, still cold as ice, most likely.

 _"So you want to be a mage? Well you currently have enough mana to use most of the advanced spells but I do not think that's a good idea."_ Yep. I knew it.

"Gotta level up that pyromania skill right?" I ask him jokingly.

 _"Why the hell does every single contractor of yours have to be a bloody Pyromaniac?"_ I hear Samathar's voice echoing with an annoyed tone.

 _"At least this one seems to prefer ranged combat, 'm I right bro?"_ Leonardo's voice is quick to follow. "Yep." I say nonchalantly.

I feel Zeus smirk. _"Isn't it obvious? Its 'cause I am a pyromaniac myself. Fire is awesome."_ Yes. Yes it is. I have a feeling me and Zeus are gonna be the best of friends.

Ignoring them and focusing myself upon my inner self, I can clearly sense my so-called resource pools. Seeing them gain color, I notice how the formerly blue and reddish orange become a singular rich purple color. I feel myself smile, purple is my favorite color!

"Awe yeah! God bless purple!" And then I blink. "Wait, how the hell am I supposed to draw from one pool at a time?"

 _"A human soul is a very well designed thing, brother. Your soul, like any other human soul, will know instantaneously which pool you wanna draw from or if you wanna use both."_ Leonardo explains calmly. Well that's neat.

Getting an idea, I walk a few meters away from the rubble blocking my path and extend my hand. I feel Samathar chuckle. _"Oh here we go..."_ He drawls in a bored tone.

"FIREBALL!" I yell out the typical starting hero battle cry as I blast the rubble out of my way and revel in the smell of burning stone.

As I step out of the crater, I notice that there are several Medici thugs around The Broken Street. Somehow, I get the feeling that his place is gonna be my background theme. It looks crushingly epic, get it?

"Oh look, its your version of level one mushroom people!" I hear Zeus say over the mind link as an imaginary finger points directly at the thugs.

Okay. I guess that means its killing time! I ready my sword and rush towards the first thug as I leap off the ruble with surprising strength. That is, strength which I was not prepared for and thus, what made me slam right into a fucking brick wall. Yay.

I can hear the trio inside of my head rolling on the floor laughing as I do my best to dig my face out of the before-mentioned wall. I guess you could say that Mistakes Were Made.

Finally managing to tear my face out, I notice how the thugs were all looking at me blankly. Blinking embarrassed, I let myself fall down to the ground, take my sword into my hands and say."Get ready!"

Now its the thugs time to burst out laughing. Can't blame them, they did look like they were born retarded after all. What I mean to say, I quickly killed them all in a few sexonds... Wait, seXonds?

"Ah, that reminds me of the first chapter for this story!" I say as I happily let my sword eat the corpses of the thugs I just killed.

I feel Zeus nod, still on the verge of laughter. _"Yeah. Who knew that the same author who had written over fifty thousand words worth in sex, is the same author who seemingly can't remember to add an 's to most of his words that need it, right?"_

 _"The Most Ironic Set Of Grammatical Mistakes Ever Made."_ Leonardo says, having somewhat recovered from his laughing spree.

 _"Yeah, I guess you could say that the Author... had done fucked up."_ Samathar says and the rest of us come to a stop as we turn to look at him as he rubs the back of his head sheepishly.

"Dude, you are bad at making bad jokes." I tell him honestly and feel a mental shrug in turn as the other two simply let out a sigh.

Finally managing to consume all of the corpses, I put the... I have no idea in its equally black sheath."Hey Zeus? What the hell do I call this thing?"

 _"I have no idea. Should we even give it a name?"_ He asks me and I shrug.

 _"Of course you should give it a name! What kind of legendary sword does not have an epic name?"_ Leonardo yells out, stunned by our nonchalant conversation, it would seem.

Samathar, however, seems to have gotten an idea for the name... or rather, several names. _"How about Blazefury? Maybe Corpseater? Worldeater? Vulcan? Pyr'Falar? Soulburner?"_

Having suddenly gained a minor flashback of my sword consuming things, I simply sate."This sword is: The Legendary Blazemourne!" Them references, m' I right?

And by state, I really mean yell out for anyone unlucky enough to hear. Quickly looking left and right alike, I let out a breath of relief as there was absolutely nobody around to hear me. _"Well ain't that absolutely anti-climatic? And that name sucks."_ Leonardo's comment goes largely ignored as I feel Zeus and Samathar clapping and cheering at me.

Suddenly, I stop in my tracks."Soooo uh, where next?" And just as I say that, I get a flash back.. no, a memory that belonged to the thugs and an imaginary map forms inside of my mind. _"There, that should help you. Also, since those mafia shits seem to have had much more of the material inside of them than the normal people seemed to possess, I guess its time to give you your Main Quest!"_

Oho."Thanks for the map, bro! Now its time to go farm some objecti-wait, you mentioned a material and a Main Quest?" I ask him somewhat confused. I get this strange feeling that I just triggered something big.

 _"Oh no, You did not just do that."_ I hear Samathar say fearfully.

 _"Right, I'm outta here. See you three in a couple hours."_ Leonardo's consciousness quickly GTFO's from The Mind Link. Oh gods, what the hell did I do?

I feel Samathar's consciousness quickly following behind Leonardo's, but not before he turns around with a grim face to tell me. _"You have triggered Zeus's nerd mode. I wish you good luck, comrade."_

Zeus, on the other hand, had gotten this insane smirk on his face."So you wish to know more about Theonite, do you?"

Dear god. Save me.

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _Four hours later... - Random Medici Hideout - Still Arthur's Point Of View..._

* * *

 _"... And that is why your Main Quest is to gather as much of the material known as Theonite as possible!"_ He FINALLY FINISHES AFTER HOURS OF TORTURE. MY EARS, THEY BLEED. Okay, not really, but it sure as hell feels like it.

In any case, I simply ask him."You do realize that you could've just told me that you needed the stuff for research and that the only way to get it that you know of is letting my Blazemourne eat people?" The sword in question grumbles as its hunger strikes again.

 _"Sure I could but that would be no fun. And people who give you Main Quests in video games usually make it supreme drama levels of long anyway."_ I let out a sigh as an anime-like vein pops on my forehead."You mean like you did just now, right?"

 _"Yep!"_ I can imagine the emoticon :D now instead of Zeus's face as I let out another sigh. Being a main character is annoying.

The two who were previously with us had just now returned, conveniently right at the end of Zeus's Nerd Mode.

Anyway, back into reality. I refocus myself as I nearly walk into a door belonging to a seemingly abandoned warehouse. It was one of the objectives listed on my mind-map and apparently, it belongs to the Medici mafia.

Casually opening the door, I once again manage to attract the attention of multiple mafia thu-Okay, these aren't thugs. No these are sexy babes in bunny costumes bearing machine guns. And they each have a set of two big plot reasons as to why I found myself temporarily incapable of moving in this moment of my story.

As I stare at their not-so-normal-mafioso-attire, the chicks turn their guns towards me and start shooting. _"Want me to add a nosebleed with all those new bullet wounds that you seem to be picking up, Arthur?"_ I hear Samathar's laughing voice echo throughout my mind and I wake up. My instincts tell me that anything he can do to cause a nosebleed would do much worse to the rest of my brain.

 _"Aww, come on now, I'm not that bad!"_ I can hear Zeus and Leonardo laughing at his antics as I start dodging the shooting bunny girls.

 _"Makes you wonder how those several hundred people who you made go insane when you scanned Encore would like to say about that."_ Leonardo says with a chuckle. Yep, my instincts were absolutely correct, weren't they?

 _"Hey! At least I didn't set them on fire."_ Zeus mentally shrugs. _"Hey, its not like its my fault they couldn't predict my totally-natural solar flare."_ Wow. " _That's just mean, dude."_ Leonardo says with a blinking glance. Yeah, that's pretty mean.

Refocusing myself back to the real world, I finally make up my mind and begin my attack, nearly instantaneously wiping the floor with most if not all of the Bunny Girls.

 _"You didn't even buy them dinner! Now that is what I call a-"_ Zeus begins but stops as Samathar cuts him off.

 _"As someone who basically forced marriage on a woman, regardless of her disposition on it, you have no right to say that joke."_ Samathar states blankly.

"Ouch!" Yeah, sick burns mate.

Zeus however, simply grins at Samathar. _"At least I have a woman."_ OW. That one must've hurt.

Samathar looks away somewhat ashamed as Leonardo falls off his chair laughing and I barely stifle an insane chuckle in the real life.

I already know that this decision was the best I've ever made in my entire life!

My happy thoughts weren't meant to last as I feel myself thrown aside by an enormous bullet. Regenerating my face, I quickly look up to see what would be a beautiful woman, had she not possessed a machine gun instead of a right arm, that is.

"Stand up, freak! I am Black Dahlia and I will be your end!" She screams out with the expected voice of a mature woman.

I look at her with a grin on my face."Finally, someone worthy has come around!" And with that, all of the three people watching my story play out focus onto the imaginary screen as I charge the bitch, sword in hand, eyes blazing with the fury worthy of a hero!

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _ **Lord Joyde: Okay, maybe I was wrong. Maybe this is another one of my Insanity Fic's... but with more crack and less seriousness inside of it.**_

 _ **Meh, that's good enough, I guess.**_

 _ **Okay so since nobody voted for the first opponent and our hero is a clear enemy of the Medici Mafia, I was thinking along the lines of either Cerebella or Black Dahlia... but since Cere-chan has absolutely no reason to BE THERE, I just put BD there instead.**_

 _ **Since she has no actual move-sets in game, that means I have free reign in how I want to do this fight during the next chapter... and I have a feeling that I won't listen to the claim that my past self made at the start of the previous chapter. Meh, who cares? I don't.**_

 _ **I sincerely hope you enjoyed that... I really need to think up some more bad jokes and references for the next chapter.**_

* * *

 _ **Anyways, read and review! And Good Morning/Day/Night to you all! ADIOS FOR NOW!**_


	3. Black Dahlia

_**Lord Joyde: Heylo, Peeps! How are you all?**_

* * *

 ** _Okay so the truth behind the recent Heart Of Blood updates and this story's birth is the fact that I have hit an obvious road-block within The Heart Of Blaze storyline.  
_**

 ** _It goes like this... lets call what happened up to now the first season of my story. I already have the third and the final season of the story covered. BUT WHAT THE FECK DO I DO FOR THE SECOND SEASON?!_**

 ** _This is why I can't complete the next chapter of The Heart Of Blaze and why 54 took so damn long to do._**

 ** _In any case, I would love it if you guys could give me submissions on what I could do. Thanks in advance._**

 ** _Anyways, here comes chapter 3 of What The Hell! I hope you enjoy, lets begin._**

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _Moment's afterwards... - Still the same place... - Arthur's Point Of View...  
_

* * *

"Ladies and Gentlemen its... SHOWTIME!" Leonardo's comic yell marks the start of our fight as I charge the mechanical woman with my sword.

"Blaze Strike!" I attempt to strike her and succeed but she blocks it with her gun which shatters but quickly repairs itself as if regenerating.

She recovers from the blow and jumps back."Rocket Heel!" Before I can address the situation, she kicks me in the face with a metallic leg. Wait, just how much of this chick is mechanized?

Without pause she continues her attacks as she throws several hidden knives in my general direction, too bad that they just bounce off of me.

Finally getting back into the fray, I implant a burning fist into her abdomen, sending her flying as she didn't get to block it this time. She aims her gun hand at me."Hell Bullet!" A massive bullet with the Medici mafia logo impales me and I fall down to the ground but quickly recover as I jump back up.

I force her into a corner with a barrage of punches and kicks, most of which miss as she continuously dodges them. I manage to place my palm onto her chest during the fight with my only intention being to fireblast her, however fate isn't that kind. _"Oh my... shes not half bad for being fifty-eight years old."_ I hear Zeus's amused voice echo in my mind as I blink from his words. Fifty eight years old? THIS CHICK LOOKS LIKE SHES THIRTY AT MOST.

Anyway, my momentary distraction is enough to let her knee me in the stomach, a poisoned blade extending from her kneecap and into me. I refocus myself and leap backwards, readying myself for another attack as she comes charging at me. Grinning, I simply extend my hand and say."FIREBALL!"

She finds herself unable to dodge fully as her mask is torn away from her body to reveal a pale blue-haired woman with an equally pale complexion. She touches her own face as she looks at me."How old are you?" Her voice is gravely and deep, too deep for someone who looks that young.

I guess that mask must've been important."I'm eighteen." A simple answer as I waste no more time."But that does not matter.. come, Blazemourne **HUNGERS**!" I yell out as I leap towards her, my molten sword roaring in rage.

She simply smirks as she easily dodges my swing and my eyes go wide as I feel something bladed entering my stomach from behind me. Suddenly, her image re-appears on my back, one of her arms holding my shoulder as she digs the blade deeper into my flesh.

I guess you could say that we've done things the other way around, get it?

"Too bad really. So young and strong, I had hoped to recruit you..." She says as her hold over me is strengthened when she forces me on the ground."But now that you've seen my face, I'm afraid that is no longer possible." And with that, she activates her sword."Gut Digger!"

The sword starts to rotate as she drills my stomach inside out. She stops after around six seconds when she notices that I'm not falling down. I turn to her, face bloody and smiling like a demon."Sorry babe, but I'm not that easy to kill." I swing my hand backwards so hard that I dislocate my shoulder as I do so and manage to punch her in the ribs. Hey, that felt like flesh.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRYAAAAAAAAH!" She screams out as several of her ribs are instantaneously broken and I stop to watch in fascination as my flesh re-knits itself using the biomass my sword consumed so far. Not all of it... hell not even a little bit of it, that is.

Breaking out of my stupor, I notice her trying to crawl away as she holds her chest with one hand, blood pooling around her. I walk over towards her and raise my sword."This is for my family, bitch!" And I see her grin as she suddenly turns around and raises her metallic leg to my face.

With a laugh, she says."Blast Wave!" A rocket-like blast of white-hot fire burst forwards and burns me alive, slowing down my healing and buying her enough time to recuperate as her own mechanical parts repair the broken flesh.

I hold my hand to my face as I fall on my knees, this bitch is getting on my nerves. Opening my eyes I see her coming straight at me with her right fist. I laugh, did she learn nothing so far?

I catch her hand and impale her on my sword through her abdomen."NGHAAAAARH!" She grits her teeth.

 _"See? You can do it correctly after all! I always knew you had it in you, Arthur!"_ Zeus's amused voice echoes as he once again ruins my moment.

I refocus just in time to see her pointing her gun-hand onto my head."BLOOD BARRAGE!" She yells out with bloodied teeth, and a multitude of small bullets penetrate my head and temporarily sever my connection to Zeus, causing me to drop her down as my face regenerates again.

She kicks me and forces me to release her hold as she leaps back wards once more. Gasping for breath, she looks at me with angered eyes."I don't know what the bloody hell you are or how you've become like that, but I will kill you the next time we meet! So remember my name, you Demon-thing!"

She then quickly exists the building as several Medici thugs enter behind her. With a final dramatic glance, she looks at me with the promise of vengeance in her eyes."Remember me, Black Dahlia, for I will end you!"

I nearly laugh at her but my face hurts too much from regenerating so much so I can't. I hear a helicopter in the distance as I finally stand up again and look around to see the thugs pointing their guns at me.

I chuckle."Well? What the hell are you waiting for?" And with that, they start unloading all of their bullets onto me. Soon after, all that is left of me is one huge mess of flesh, bone and blood.

They approach what's left of me. One of the thugs chuckles darkly."Dunno why the boss was so uptight, this guy wasn't that big of a deal."

"Could'a just been exhausted... he did kill all o' them bitches before he even fought Miss Dahlia." Oho, a smart one is around.

"Meh, could be. Not like it matters. Anyhow, the boss said to bring his remains in for further stu-" One tries to say but as soon as he touches my body several tendrils leap out and consume him into me, fully regenerating me as the rest of the thugs fall down onto their asses full of sudden fear.

I grin darkly."Miss me?" I say evilly and butcher all of them with relative ease, feeding their bodies to Blazemourne as the blade howls in hunger.

A sudden rush of memories enters my mind as I realize that the warehouse I am in is a Theonite storage facility.

Looking around, I spot numerous huge wooden crates and I feel Zeus salivating as I open one of them... to reveal a normal stone."Huh?" I blink... could the memories be wrong?

 _"Don't give up just yet boy, place one of your hands onto the stone please."_ I hear Zeus say and obey him. As soon as I do so, several thin black and red threads burst out of my fingers and penetrate the stone, breaking it and then retracting back.

I feel a mental sigh. _"As I though, these stones are merely Theonite node's... they don't exactly have much of the material sadly."_

I turn around to where the storage actually is as the box I opened was just the closest one to me... And voila there's like a hundred of the boxes there. _"That said, there sure is a lot of them though."_ I feel a sweat-drop coming from Samathar who had been quiet so far.

All four of us shrug at the same time. Approaching the boxes and placing my hand onto the next one as soon as I open it."Welp, I guess its time to get to work."

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _About half an hour later... - Outside of the Warehouse... - Arthur's Point Of View...  
_

* * *

"Phew! Finally that's done!" I say as I crack my neck in satisfaction. Zeus should be pretty happy I guess, that was a lot of boxes.

 _"And not nearly enough Theonite."_ Or not. Figures, I guess. No reason to make me overpowered instantaneously.

 _"In any case, today was still a very good day and if there was more Theonite in those node's, it would have been perfect... I suggest finding a place to rest as your body won't be able to handle even standing soon."_ I gulp as I hear Zeus's voice again.. well to be fair, I did go through a lot of bullshit and survive today.

I had my stomach drilled, god-forbid the shenanigans, I've been burned alive, rocket heeled in the face and then shot to pieces. Yeah, today was a good day, Indeed!

Hearing a set of yawns coming from my mind-link, I hear Samathar say in a tired voice. _"Well, I'm sorry but this is enough for one day for me. I have a lot of work to do tomorrow so see you later, okay?"_ I nod and then hear Leonardo as he follows suit. _"Yeah, I'm pretty beat too, projecting myself eons away from my real body like this is fucking tiring."_

Suddenly letting out a yawn of my own, I sniff and turn around, observing my surroundings and then looking on my mind map to find the nearest hotel. Once I arrived, I use my suddenly-gained-and-probably-something-to-do-with-Zeus superb social skills to buy myself a room from the sexy attendant at the front desk.

Why superb social skills? Because that chick came to my room later that same night.

And that, my friends, is how I lost my virginity.

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _Afterwards... - Zeus's space place - Zeus's Point Of View...  
_

* * *

"Hmmm..." I hear myself mutter out as I start to conclude the results of today's experiment for the readers pleasure.

"It would seem that Theonite is akin to Earth's Petroleum as for how it is processed.. however, its nodes do not form out a corpse that has stayed a thousand years under a rock. It forms out of congealed blood from the living things of this planet who naturally produce it over time during their lives. That would mean that the only places where one could find Theonite in considerable amounts would be places of immense battles.." I place one of my hands to my chin as I take a sip from my tea.

"During my experiments, I noticed that Theonite undergoes a specific change in structure around every twenty minutes. During this change, it absorbs energy and nutrients from its surroundings and processes it as if it was food. What's interesting about this is that it also consumes magical energies. The material then separates the raw natural mana from everything else and then uses it to grow or heal itself. This is why The Medici did not dig the Theonite out of the nodes but left them inside of the rocks... they were hoping to force natural growth, even when they had no idea how it happens. One of the thugs has a memory which states that Theonite forms much quicker when inside of a person and also how they have a processing facility which uses people as harvesting points... There's a side quest for Arthur if I ever saw one." Humming to myself, I take another sip of my tea.

"The reason Theonite grows quicker inside of people is because it has an easier access to the mana which naturally forms inside of a persons soul... but how does a metal manage to evolve mana-absorbing abilities?... There are only two possible answers to this question. The first is that the material came from an outside source like myself and the other is that it came from the Void. I'm not totally sure that I like either one, to be perfectly honest." Blinking at nobody in particular, I take a look at the remaining Theonite which has managed to survive my experimentation.

Hmm, perhaps it would be time to experiment its effects on living beings? Although I wonder what I should make out of it... Did Arthur not say how he wanted to be a ranged character? But to do that he needs way more mobility. I suppose I could offer him one of these evolutions once he wakes up.

The first is to increase his legs agility and thus, lowering his overall kicking strength. Not that he uses many kicks anyway.

The second is to grant him the ability to blink. Since everything around him as a little bit of Theonite inside of it, it would not be hard to teach him how to magically lock onto an object and teleport himself to it.

The Third is to infuse his whole body with Theonite nodes, allowing for faster, easier and less demanding regeneration but less defense as the nodes would take up quite a bit of space which would have otherwise been armored flesh.

"So those are the options! Tell me what you guys think!" I grin as I say and fall back into my comfortable imaginary-office chair and close my eyes, shutting off this Void-Space for now and returning to reality.

Unlike this lazy-ass of an author, I have work to do... now then, which system should I visit next?

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 ** _Lord Joyde: Dude, that's just mean. xD  
_**

 ** _Anyways, this chapter was a lot more serious than I intended it to be but I'm not in a really good mood so I blame it on that._**

 ** _In any case, chapter 55 of The Heart Of Blaze should be up this weekend. Yeah. I'm totally looking right at you, future me._**

* * *

 ** _Anyways, read and review! And Good Morning/Day/Night to you all! ADIOS FOR NOW!_**


	4. From Torn Faces To New Girlfriends

_**Lord Joyde The Madman: Heylo, Guys and Girls! How are you all doing?**_

* * *

 _ **O-heil-yo you all. This story is all about me SICK-BURNS-MATE myself.  
**_

 _ **You know what? I feel like shit.**_

 _ **And you know what an author does best when he/she feels like shit?**_

 _ **He writes some good shit, yeah.**_

 _ **Yeah...**_

 _ **What?**_

 _ **Anyway, here comes chapter four of What The Hell!? I sincerely hope you enjoy, let us begin...**_

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _The Following Morning - Still the same hotel room - Arthur's Point Of View..._

* * *

 _"Rise and shine, cupcake! We have work to do and Theonite to harvest!"_ We? I'm the one who does all the work.

Are my thoughts as I slowly rise out of the bed, one hand on my face and the other on something squishy, probably a pillow."Hnyan!"

Or not. Turning around I see the same cat-girl chick I somehow convinced to have sex with me yesterday.. and damn, that was some fine ass ridin'.

Feels like it lasted for a couple months..."Maybe if the author remembered to type this shit down sooner, I wouldn't have had so much sex for my first time!"

I mumble a thanking prayer to Lord Joyde for being a lazy ass fucker.

Suddenly, Blazemourne flies right into my face, carried by a mysteriously evil wind originating from a curiously open window that I distinctly remember closing.

 _"Can't say you didn't deserve that."_ Yeah, well if the author didn't type that then I wouldn't have said it in the first place.

An imaginary shrug. _"Anyways, the sword gave you a curious scar on your face... Yeah, I think we can use this."_ A buzzing sound and several arcs of electricity escape my newest scar. _"There, all done. All ye need to do to let me take over is rip off your face-skin!"_

Oh, right. We're doing that Hero/Demon bullshit. By the way, are- _"Nope, they aren't here today. Something about me resurrecting a Vampire or some shit."_

Some shit? But YOU are the bloody culprit, how do you not kno-... Oh, I get it. The bloody author hasn't written that part yet, has he?

 _"Nope."_ Lel. Well this day is up to a fine start.

"Mnyaanhh..." A soft moan escapes the cat girls lips and I quickly dress myself and sheathe Blazemourne... wait, that is the swords name right? Yeah, it is.

Leaving the hotel, I make my way to the fish people district.

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _Several minutes later... - Little Innsmouth - Arthur's Point Of View..._

* * *

"Achoo!"

 _"Bless you."_ Is Zeus's response to my reason less staring at the sun.

Hey bro.. err, can I call you bro? Anyways, why am I here again?

A shrug, again. _"Sure, I don't see why not. And you're here because I felt a massive amount of Theonite just.. moving around in this area."_

Oh great. What are the odds that some undead monstrosity is gonna jump me right about now?

"AAAH, RUN AWAY ITS A MONSTER!" YEY, FUCKING YEY.

 _"Chill dude, just kill it quickly and we can be on our merry way."_ Well, I suppose that's one way to put it... and undead are vulnerable to fire anyways.

I find myself standing on some kinda wooden bridge. _"A wooden bridge that can hold your weight? That must be some high quality wood."_

Oh come on, fuck you Zeus."MOVE OUTTA MY WAY!" A horrible, disgusting voice echoes from my front.

Eww. What the hell is that."What are you?"

The sudden and quite possibly not-normally-received question stuns the what-was-once-a-girl, as she stumbles forwards.

 _"Dear Jesus Christ on a bicycle... Arthur, shes an experimental test subject of some freak named Brain Drain."_ Brain Drain? That dude is a known Bio-Terrorist.

I get the feeling Zeus shivered a bit at that last part for whatever reason."I.. I AM. PAINWHEEL."

Painwheel?"That can't be your real name, can it?"

The thing waves its head in negative."MY... MY NAME.. ARGH.. NO NO NO NO! I MUST KILL YOU!"

And she leaps into me, black spikes erupting from her nails. I successfully block her attack."Blaze Swing!"

My blow sends her onto the floor, but she recovers easily and kicks me off my feet."DEATH! WALK!"

Massive black spikes erupt all over her body and she uses them to impale me as she walks on top of me. _"Damn, you sure love getting impaled by women, Arthur."_

I knew you were gonna say that. Anyways, I kick her high up into the sky and then use my new ability, aka. Blink, to teleport behind her.

"Hell's Descent!" I scream out loud as I impale my sword into her back and send us both flying right down. The quality wood bridge SOMEHOW SURVIVES our fall.

Thank the heavens for that. The chick then strikes me with that saw-thing-blade on her back. _"ITS A FUCKING BOOMERANG BLADE, YE DIMWIT."_

Well sorry for not knowing all about swords, arsehole. My shoulder quickly heals and I tear into her chest with one of my hands, managing to devour most of the Theonite in her veins, effectively paralyzing her.

 _"Hold that thought, Arthur. There's another presence in her mind... hold her still while I boot it out."_ A mind-controlled corpse, how original. And here I thought Nazi zombies were finally outdated.

... that didn't make any se-oh, there's a swastika on her arm. Never mind.

"A-A-AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!" The once-was-a-chick thing named Painwheel screams out loud as several people look at the scene from their homes. Several red threads erupt from my arm and penetrate her body all over. Hell, that looks like it hurts.

"AAAAAAIYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARH!" Yep. Ow, my ears man.

Finally, after what seemed to be minutes, she stops screaming and falls down, unconscious but alive... well, no more alive than she was minutes before, really.

 _"Arthur, take her and find a safe spot. Your character Stage seems appropriate."_ Zeus tells me over our link but my brain stops... wait, whats my character stage?

Oh wait.. The Broken Street, the place where we made our deal.

Right, time to go all the waaay back over there."Might as well..."

Unbeknownst to me, a curiously white-scarred cat girl bore witness to my fight and followed me to my fallen home.

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _An hour later... - The Broken Street - Painwheel's Point Of View..._

* * *

Stone.. cobble.. stone..

The rough feeling of cobbled stone is all I can realize as I feel myself being carried away to... somewhere.

What was I doing? I was... fighting. Someone... someone strong.

A guy... with a strange hot sword. Who was he?

I must wake up... I must kill...

"VALENTINE!" I scream out loud as my body finally responds to my own commands for once.

My vision clears to see the guy who defeated me waving his hands in front of himself in defense."W-whoa, babe. Chill."

Babe? What the hell is this guy some kinda freak? Even I know this body is ugly."Who... the hell... are you?"

He shakes his head and lets out a deep, really annoyed sigh."Listen. I'm gonna make this as short of a story as possible."

Another breath and release."Hi. I'm Arthur, an idiot who grabbed a sword possessed by a demon named Zeus. That demon now wants to make a deal with you... something about helping you gain revenge?"

I blink once. Nah, make that twice. Okay, make that thrice."And... just why... should I... believe... you?.."

He sighs again and looks at me with a stern eye."Don't scream."

And then he promptly digs his nails into the scar on his face... and pulls his skin off in one go. OW.

What is revealed is a completely red inside.. another face made out of moving blood-colored threads and some kinda bluish fluid... liquid theonite? But that crap is overwhelmingly hot. **"Good evening to you madam.. My name is Zeus and I wish to help you gain your.. vengeance."**

"Whats... the.. catch?" His smirk goes from one ear to the ripped off skin. **"The souls of all those you kill, as well as any Theonite you acquire in your travels. Oh, and I suppose you will also be one of my servants upon this world... its not so bad, so long as you can take a joke, really."**

Tilting my head, I ask the demon."And... How... are.. you gonna.. help.. me?"

His smirk goes even wider, as if that was possible in the first place. **"I am going to unmake you. And then remake you... Sadly, I cannot restore your current flesh to its original form as the parasites and Skull girls blood have contaminated this form too much."**

"You... will do.. the same... AS THEY DID!" I scream out loud as I charge the demon, but he catches the boomerang blade on my back with ease. I look upwards to find myself completely incapable of moving.. What the hell is this... presence.

Its like I'm looking at something.. incomprehensibly powerful...

His smirk is now a full blown grin. **"So then you chose death instead, Carol?"**

My eyes go wide as their blood-crimson light brightens up."H-How... do you.. know... my.. name?"

 **"You will find that I know many things, my dear. One of them is how to properly improve mortal flesh without turning the target into some form of... abomination. I mean, just look at how Arthur normally looks. Nobody can really tell the difference between him and an ordinary human being.. and that, is exactly what I'm going to do to you."** His voice echoes throughout The Broken Street, the place where The Skullgirl made her first big debut.

I nod, slowly and fearfully, an emotion I haven't felt in a long while."How... do I... accept?..."

He extends his hand to me. **"Simple, really. All you need to do, is shake my hand."**

Without a moments hesitation, I sell my soul to this demon as I shake his hand... and soon find myself falling unconscious... yet again. Bloody hell.

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _Seconds Later... - Zeus's Space Place - Zeus's Point Of View...  
_

* * *

I take a calm sip of my tea as the poor girl, Carol, manifests before me in the shape I had designed for her.

"Where.. Where am I?" My grin goes from ear to ear as I turn to look towards Arthur.

With a nod at me, he returns his consciousness to the real world."Hello, Carol dear. You are currently in my little piece of reality."

She quickly turns around towards me and, as she does so, notices her new body."W-what? I'm not... H-how?!"

I let out a hearty laugh, taking her attention in full."Come now, lets be civil. Sit down and I shall explain."

Gulping down whatever fear she still had, she complies to my order and I nod at her."Good. Your body is being rebuilt from the ground up right now in the real world... a delicate process during which it is not advised to stay awake."

She takes a look over herself. She is currently wearing a rather casual set of clothing. A tight long-sleeved blue shirt with equally blue jeans and the regular combat boots all of the evolved seem to always wear for whatever reason. On her hands are two silver gauntlets and on her right gauntlet is her Boomerang Blade, fixed into the metal and ready to be ejected at will.

"As you can see, I am reforging your body to be much like what you used to look like. However, the two parasites that were forcefully welded onto your soul have to stay, or else that very soul might receive some damage, so instead I just remodeled them as well. The first parasite is now the set of Gauntlets on your arm... you can't take them off, but he can easily change color and outlook to that of human skin, depending on your preference. As for the blade, it is now infused with a certain material called Life Fibers, enabling it to constrict its form when necessary." I calmly explain things to her as she adorns a wondrous look on her face.

"Umm... thanks?" She says, still somewhat afraid of me. _"Totally regretting the demon thing now, aren't cha?"_ Arthur's amused voice echoes through our link and I laugh in agreement.

"No problem, darling. Now then, the reason I brought you here is to ask if you wish for anything else on your body to change." She blinks at me.

Tilting her head, she asks."Wait, are you asking me if I want to have bigger boobs or something?"

I shrug."If that is what you wish, then sure."

Taking one look at her c-cups to decide, she nods at me enthusiastically."How big do you want them?"

Blushing but managing to control herself, she says."I.. I want a D-cup!"

Eh? Just one cup larger.. meh, fine."Sure!" Is my vocal reply.

She watches in wonder as her chest grows and I feel some kind of deep pride rising from within.

Just doin' my job as The Primal Lord Of Life, eh?

 _"WAIT, YOU ARE THE PRIMAL LORD OF LIFE?!"_ Arthur exclaims somewhat flabbergasted.

Yep. I sure as hell am. Is what I tell him as I send him a picture of Carol currently experiencing the good ole Project: BE.

He grins a bit and gives me a thumbs up in approval."Now then, is there anything else you wish for, darling?"

Shaking her head out of a stupor, the girl looks at me with hope in her eyes."I-In The L-Lab... there was another girl, Filia.. she got.. shot in the back of her head but.."

"You want to find her corpse and give her a proper burial like a good friend would do, correct?" Is what I say, finishing her sentence easily.

She nods slowly, a saddened look etching itself on her face as I let out a sigh."Fine. I was planning on raiding Brain Drains laboratory anyway."

A sudden buzzing sound steals our attention and I smirk."Ah, it would appear that your new body is complete.. now, just one last thing before you return to the waking world.. and please, don't panic."

I tell her gently as I walk over and cut open a piece of her face, forming a scar on it, hidden by her newly-regrown raven hair."Grrh!" She grunts out.

I then stand up."You've seen Arthur do it, believe me when I say its not painful at all. Tearing off that scar will allow me to take control of your body for a short period of time... but I do not recommend doing it in battle, alright?"

She nods, somewhat confused. I place a finger on her forehead and insert the same memory map that Arthur has inside of her brain."There, use that map to find your way around. And make sure to loot as much Theonite as you can, for it is the only way I will make you stronger... and I hear the Labs have an abundance of it."

Her savage and sadistic grin almost reminds me of the monster she was seconds ago.. **good**.

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _ **And that is it for chapter four of What The Hell!**_

 _ **Now you might be thinking, why another character being introduced to Zeus?**_

 _ **Because why not. I needed someone to beat up Peacock and the rest of the Lab Zero baboons and Carol/Painwheel seemed to be quite the perfect fit for it.**_

* * *

 _ **Anyways, read and review! And Good Morning/Day/Night to you all! ADIOS FOR NOW!**_


	5. W D GaWHAT

_**Lord Joyde The Madman: Heylo, Guys and Girls! How are you all doing?**_

* * *

 ** _So yeah. Some of you may remember my recent spree of "PLEASE FLAME ME" comments in descriptions and such._**

 ** _Thing is, even when I bloody asked for it, NOBODY FLAMED ME D;_**

 ** _And then I realized that I actually made a story for this exact situation._**

 ** _What The Hell indeed._**

 ** _Anyways, here comes chapter five of Joyde Flaming Himself because nobody else has the guts to do it. ._._**

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _The Following Week - Zeus' Space Place - Zeus' Point Of View..._

* * *

"Aaaaaaaaah..." Feels like its been a damn year since I've last had tea time as calm and quiet as this.

Always someone out there to disturb my peace.

Hey, that reminds me. How the hell is Arthur doing? Also... there was that one girl.. Ah, right. Carol.

A flick of my fingers is all that is necessary for me to teleport myself to the void space above the skies of Encore.

When suddenly, a random portal appears and a leg-less skeleton dressed in rather gentlemanly clothing walks out.

His skeletal hands each have a round hole in them. He turns to me, with one eye closed and another glowing bright blue... and starts making random ass signs with his hands and weird scathing noises.

"Dude, I don't know who you are but since you managed to get into my void-space without my direct allowance... I think you realize that you can use your damn mouth in this imaginary realm." I blankly point out to the being as both of his eyes open wide as saucers before he bows in apology.

Then he places a bony hand on his mouth and smiles creepily."Ahhh... forgive me, kind sir. I may have spent... a while, with no physical conversation made."

A nod from me."Understandable, I guess. Now then, who the hell are you?"

He gives out a laugh as he takes a seat, welp, I mean lowers himself to seem as if he is sitting on one of the imaginary chairs."Ah, I am called W. D. Gaster, or just Gaster if you would prefer. I am here to investigate a curious case of... well, I am not sure how to exactly explain it. Tell me sir, do you believe in differing timelines?"

"Of course I do. Why do you ask?" Taking a sip from my tea and then making some more to offer Gaster, I turn on the TV to try and lock onto Arthur to see what he is doing.

He nods at me."Well, recently there has been an incursion into one of the timelines which I hold under my protection... a strange human being known only as *The Player* has infiltrated my realm and... changed things. Not exactly for the worse but he seemed to know more than I at how to do my job so I have been seeking him, following a strange, diluted trail through reality... This trail ends.. Well, it ends... Here?"

"Well you aren't looking for me... but this... The Player, you say? That almost sounds familiar." Ah, there it is, I've found the signal. Looks like our two heroes are enjoying some lunch at a sushi shop of some kind.

A tilted head is my answer."Familiar? Might I inquire what does thou mean by that?"

"Sure. There's this random meme going around recently with people referring to a person we all call The Author. My instincts are telling me that he and your player might be the one and the same." I say as I casually zoom in on my two worldly minions.

He blinks."Oh my. That would be most interesting... although, may I know what you are doing right now?"

I finally finish that tea I was making and offer it to him, which he graciously accepts with a murmured thanks."This? Err... long story short, I've found a world which interested me, granted two people special powers to enact my will, which all basically comes down to entertainment and furthering the progress of science."

He perks up at that, beaming me with all the power his hollow eyes could muster."Science? Oh my... May I stay a while and watch?"

I shrug."Sure, I don't see why not."

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _At that same time... - Little Innsmouth - Arthur's Point Of View..._

* * *

"You hear the news? Skullgirl and those two monsters, The Inferno and The Ravager have been going after all those families in Maplecrest." The Medici thug named Riccardo says loudly as me and Carol try out best to focus on our foods and not choke on the dramatized titles we've received from the mafia.

... And any unlucky idiot that happened to come in between."Looks like these new characters got a... bone to pick with the boss." Dude, that pun don't work if you include us too.

"Where's he gone anyway? Think the rumors of him getting sick are true?" Lawrence continues, probably realizing that he's made a bad, bad pun.

A cutesy fish-girl waitress approaches us and delivers our orders. A set of fresh sushi and some grey tea... not the best combo but hey, it gets the job done.

Carol and the fish-girl start some random small talk as I focus myself on the food."Hold up, its that fish dame we were send to find!"

Oh bollocks."Her girlie, can we get some uh, service over here?"

She sighs and walks over to them."Yes. May I help you sir?"

"Hey now, you're quite the dish. I'd like to EAT you up!" Oh my god... I shot a quick look over at Carol who was already preparing to decompress her boomerang blade.

Seeing as I don't quite like my food looking like it just came out of a butcher shop, I stop her from doing anything rash."How about you swim a couple free drinks over here before we hit the town?"

"Uh, sorry sir, I have to work!" She says and he smiles as he grabs hold of her ass.

"Y'know... you are pretty cute... For a stinking gill girl." Carol. Don't.

"Is everything okay here?" A new voice strikes out from nowhere as a cat girl with rather interesting scars walks up to them.

Suddenly, the gangster pulls out a big-ass knife and quickly beheads the new girl. I grab hold of Carols hand just as the deep stench of raw Theonite fills the air around us.

Soon, the decapitated head leaps with a blood burst, biting into the hand of one mafia man while the body sucker punches the other one.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaah! Lets get out of here and tell Vitale that we found what we came for, eeek!" Or something as they shout out loud and leave in a hurry.

... Somehow, I feel like there was a lot more to this scene originally but the author decided it was time to start being original. Hah.

"Wow, that was so cool Nadia!" The fishie exclaims happily.

The cat returns her head to its rightful throne."You okay, Minette? Did they hurt you?"

She shakes her head in negative, just as me and Carol finally finish eating and start calmly walking towards outside. No such luck though, as this.. Nadia stops us midway.

"Hold it. You two and I have a lot to talk about." She says with a proud look on her face as she grasps my shoulders and I gulp down harshly."Lady you better take that hand off me or I'll bite it off."

Is my cold reply as she quickly does as she is told."L-look, I don't want to fight you, especially not when you're both here so, uh, ahem, I wanted to ask for your help."

Carol decides its her time to speak."Okay, first of all, who the hell are you? Second, why do you smell like liquid Theonite? And third, why the fuck should we help you?"

The cat blinks about five times before managing a reply."Err, ever heard of Miss Fortune? Y'know, one of the most famous thieves this city has ever known? Second.. I have no idea what this.. Theonite stuff even is and I can give you some info on The Mafia."

"A thief? No, never heard of you and don't really care for you either... You don't know? I don't believe you. You must know something and you will tell us one way or another." Women. Why do they have to be so damn violent?

Are my exact thoughts as Carol unhinges her blade and begins to rapidly spin it at full speed. Crowds of people gather around us as both females prepare for a fight.

And then I promptly decide to be an adult, as I pick the both of them up by the neck, like cats ironically enough and throw them out of the sushi restaurant."Take it outside.. damn female gorillas."

Not even hearing my words, they charge one another. _"Hey Arthur, what the hell is happening down there?"_

And, without any form of indication, the voice of Zeus echoes loudly in my ears."Tone down the fucking volume mate... and Carol's fighting some kind of immortal cat-girl."

Whirlwind upon whirlwind of invisible wind-blades reaps past me, tearing into several buildings as I do my best to block the ones which would hit people. That said, the cat seems to be handling herself rather well, as she spins herself, ripping into Carols skin with her attack, albeit only slightly."PAWSOME!"

 _"The volume? Ah, okay then. Is this alright? Cool. Now then... an immortal cat-girl? What the hell are you talking about?"_ His disbelieving voice echoes at a much softer tone as I promptly unleash a viral pulse, allowing Zeus to scan everything around me as I do.

What I get in turn is a massive, and quite savage, grin. _"Oh my... That thing has a literal TON of liquid Theonite flowing in her veins, resuscitating her whenever she receives damage. May I advise killing her?"_ Oh gods, not you too.

Another attack from the cat girl comes up as she headbutts Carol."Bitch! You'll pay for that!" She screams out as she slams her right fist into the cats stomach, promptly shattering it and stunning her temporarily.

Not wishing to stop, she continues to butcher the poor cat until the people around us begin to release their lunches on the floor.

Eventually, I blink into the carnage spree and knock Carol out cold. After letting her regenerate, I hold a hand towards the cat as I crouch to her laying down eye level."Ready to spill some beans now?"

She coughs and gives me a bloodied grin."Damn, that was a good fight. Too bad I lost..."

Taking my hand, she quickly makes distance from Carols unconscious body as she looks at me."Uhhh, I have a couple safe spots we can talk and not get disturbed.. just promise me that you'll keep her on a collar."

Cracking my neck as I pick Carol up, I take one look at Nadia and let out a sigh."Fine, whatever. Lead the way."

With a silent nod, the cat motions for me to follow her into a darkened alley.

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 _Several Minutes Later... - Nadia's safe house - Arthur's Point Of View...  
_

* * *

Placing Carol down on the ground next to me as I sit down on a plank and look at the still shivering Nadia, I begin."So? Are you finally gonna say something?"

She gulps."O-okay, j-just don't hurt me anymore, p-please!"

I let out a sigh as she continues."S-so, this while back, m-me and some friends formed what was once called the fish bone gang. Thing were pretty fine and dandy for a while b-but... we decided to steal from the mafia."

"Let me guess, you are the only survivor." I blankly say as she winces.

"Y-yes.. after.. after they died, I stole this.. life-gem thing from the Medici boss, Vitale and swallowed it.. ever since then, my body's been like this." She says with a sad smile.

Ah what the hell. I've already got one chick in my repertoire, might as well add another one.

I look up towards the skies."Zeus, you up for another one?"

 _"Meh, I'll do it for the Theonite, I guess."_ Right, like anyone's gonna believe that.

"Who are you talking to?" She asks me confused...

And I turn to her with a wicked grin as I grasp the scar on my face."Oh, just a demon I made a deal with."

Is the last thing she heard from me as I tore my face off with surprising ease. Zeus quickly took over and said. **"Hi."**

To which Nadia responded by promptly fainting, you know, like a bloody normal person would do?

Meh, I guess this makes Zeus' job easier.

God damn plot conveniences... Such Originality, Very WoW, Zero Doge/10.

* * *

 _ **Don't mind me guys and girls! I'm just a line break...**_

* * *

 ** _And that is it for chapter five of What The Hell is going on here?!_**

 ** _W D Gaster?! Okay brain, apparently not even my own Undertale one-shot is exempt from this._**

* * *

 ** _Anyways, read and review! And Good Morning/Day/Night to you all! ADIOS FOR NOW!_**


	6. UPDATE

_**Lord Joyde The Madman: Heylo, Guys and Girls! How are you all doing?  
**_

* * *

 ** _Hello everyone! Lord Joyde here!  
_**

 ** _... No, I'm not going to start another *what happens if I die* experiment, this time at least._**

 _ **However, what I've already started, is an original story which has made me somewhat too busy to post on FF.**_

 _ **If you want to read it then please google - Lord Joyde Euphoria Royalroad**_

 _ **As for those who worry about me setting my fanfics aside, I'm about to shatter those worries.**_

 _ **This new story may be original, but its really not much more than a brain dump while I calmly think about what I'm going to do next for my stories. (Their interconnection may make them interesting but it also makes them harder to type down.)**_

 _ **I'll admit, the only reason I've even decided to post something outside of FF is because RoyalRoad carries a donation availability with it... which I've not made use off and will not make use off until I have at least 100 followers on it.**_

 _ **Money is an.. ahem, *valuable* form of motivation, even for someone as insane as I. (Sans would be proud.)  
**_

 _ **Anyways, one other thing I wanted to say was that I'll continue typing down Blood after a short break from writing anything at all, as college is starting to hit hard and I have to go live with my mother for a while. (Divorce sucks)**_

* * *

 _ **Other than that, I wish you all good luck, happy Easter and merry hearts! Adios, my friends, see you soon! (Hopefully.)**_


End file.
